“She loves me”, “She loves me not.”
Remember the old daisy game pulling the pedals off?
Oddly, that is a really cool way to determine whether he/she loves you.
It is cool because it provides both sides. She loves you and she doesn’t love you. In your own calculations you will often pay attention to signs that she loves you to the exclusion of signs that she doesn’t.
Often, in the early crush stage, you are all about loving and loving some more. Later, in the more logical/rational stage you look for what doesn’t work.
So, petal pulling is one way to discover if she/he loves you. But what do you do if you don’t have a daisy around?
The Power of Love
Most people look for evidence for love. She loves me because she fixed me breakfast or he loves me because he only makes love to me. Finding evidence for love is a little like finding evidence for beauty.
That rose is beautiful because it is red or because it smells great or because of how big or well formed the petals are.
There really isn’t evidence for beauty, looking for evidence demeans beauty. There really isn’t evidence for love either, looking for evidence demeans love.
Love isn’t a static state. It is a flow. And it isn’t a flow of something in particular. It is an ever changing celebration of connection between two people. It is the two of you being more than both of you are alone. It is the sum of the two of you being way more than two individuals.
Love isn’t concrete. It isn’t solid. It provides a place to play but not an indication of how you should play.
Does he/she love you?
To be or not to be: that is the question.
Since there is no evidence for love, how in the world will you determine if she/he loves you?
Love as Location
In real estate it is said that there are three major components that determine the worth of a house or property: location, location, location.
Houses in Detroit are cheap compared to houses in Hollywood. Location is important.
In love location is important too. Where are you going to search for love?
Does she/he love me? Who do you ask that question of?
Do you ask it of yourself, of your possible lover, of your friends? Who?
The most powerful answer to the question of love is found in yourself. You get to decide if she/he loves you. And you get to decide it based on whether, this moment, you dare declare his/her love for you.
Evidential love, love based on taking the garbage out or a fancy dinner or years of being married, as I have pointed out, is weak, powerless love because it may change with the circumstances.
But love as an expression of your willingness to be loved is daring, unilateral, unconditional love. You are loved because you say so. You are loved because you are willing to be loved. You are loved, ultimately, because you are loved.